Waking up in the morning in Nagoya, I was reminded I don’t like Nagoya. According to Steve from Butcher ABC there are a lot of noisy grind bands from Nagoya. His theory is that is because there is shit all to do in this burg. That seems reasonable enough to me.
Or they’re tense from fear of kaiju
Sean and I got up to get some breakfast and do a whole lot of nothing again. Eventually we made our way back to the hostel and it was time for us to go to the show. General Surgery was not going to be going as they were still sleeping. Swedes know how to get their party on. They haven’t quite mastered the quick recovery, however.
Travel tip #2: Do not be a vegetarian in Japan. I thought it was hard to get something to eat in Spain, but at least they had cheese. Here, I have to find the rice, usually served up in some kind of ball form, and then find the one that doesn’t have a fishy surprise inside. It’s not like I care about the fish’s feelings or want to pet them, I just don’t care to have it in my stomach. Wasn’t Buddah a vegetarian? Apparently he was the kind that was a vegetarian but ate fish. To the people who say that: you are not a vegetarian. As an aside, apparently there is available, somewhere in Japan, squid ink pizza. If I ate that, would I be vegetarian? Technically it’s like milking a cow, but I bet they don’t keep them alive on farms to milk.
Yay. Broccoli.
We left Nagoya, the most boring city in all the world to head to Osaka… eventually. All those stories about the hustle and bustle here? Lies.
We got into Japan with little incident. In fact, a very little incident. The first thing Sean noticed was the slightly lower line dividers on the way to customs. In this land, we will be like unto GIANTS.
Naru of Butcher ABC and formerly C.S.S.O. met up with us at the airport and we were soon acquainted with one of the many completely uncomfortable compact vans we would be forced to become accustomed to. It was quite a journey through some traffic and rain to get to our destination in a tiny suburb of Tokyo. I was luckily exposed to pictures of General Surgery exposing themselves the night before. Too bad we weren’t there. They had gone to Tokyo, so we decided to start drinking their alcohol. Most of it was vodka, so eventually we gave up and just got some beer. From a vending machine. Now THAT is awesome.
Ah, Japan! Impaled successfully makes it to Japan without a hitch! We’re fucking stars, and nothing can go wrong!
Yeah, right.
On the anniversary of September 11th… yes, that most important date that is our friend Boomer’s Birthday… we were stymied. After getting an early start, hitting reams of traffic on the way to the airport, braving security, and getting our generally foolish selves organized and ready to go, the terrorists won again on this 9/11. They hate Impaled’s freedom. Word has it, they’re not too fond of our music either.
It’s unfortunate I have to say “mini-tour” because Ludicra needs to get out more. Not only do all of us all of a sudden become healthier on the road, but I can see it in all our brains, that we need to rock (we have clear skull plates, I swear). There’s a lot of love put into Ludicra, even evidenced by Aesop telling us, his bandmates, about how much he loves working with us (what a fucking fag). I think we all feel the same about each other and the music we create.
A number of months ago, a number I cannot seem to figure out, I was given a CD by this guy I knew who used to work in a comic shop I had spent some time in. He wanted me to check it out and possibly drop the name around, I guess like one of those hip people Sony or MTV pays to mention their shit at the hottest clubs. Only, I’m not hot and I don’t hang out in clubs per se… usually it’s filthy bars.
The name of the band was Goblin Cock. The cover was hilarious, the name was ribald, the layout was terrible. I wrongly assumed this was some wretched band with too much money from their mommies for some art with crap production and terrible songs that should’ve stayed putting out CDR demos. I was pretty much wrong, but here… judge the cover for yourself.
I love this song. Actually, I should refrain my overarching zealotry… I don’t love this song. It’s a pretty damn good song, but what I love is one line it. One particular line that always makes me laugh out loud.
“Military Intelligence, two words combined that can’t make sense”
Oh Dave… you sooo just ravaged the status quo! You go girl! You’re gonna change minds with your music!
First off, let’s parse that sentence out. “Two words combined…” Those words aren’t really combined. Maybe they’re juxtaposed, but more accurately, “military” is modifying “intelligence” as an adjective. Combining them would be “militaryintelligence” and that just doesn’t make any fucking sense. So, I guess those words combined really “can’t make sense.” I’ve actually just disproven my own theorem, and Dave triumphs as brilliant!
Secondly, though, let’s suppose that what he means is “the use of the adjective modifier ‘military’ nullifies the definition of ‘intelligence’ by it’s very use.” Okay, I’m pretty sure that’s what he meant. Now, what I’d like to see Dave do is build a missile. Maybe he should track a submarine. Wage a ground war, lately, Dave? Certainly, American intelligence gathering efforts could be rightly criticized, but I would hardly take seriously the criticism of a guy singing about aliens in hangar bay.
Thirdly, what Dave was going for is what’s known as an oxymoron (like “jumbo shrimp” or “metal journalist”), but instead he just came up with a “moron.” I thought I’d come up with a few more lines in the style of Mr. Mustaine’s, to properly convey what he was going for in his lyrical word play.
• familiarized acquaintance, two words combined that can’t make sense
• alcoholic temperance, two words combined that can’t make sense
• humbling arrogance, two words combined that can’t make sense
• rebellious obeyance, two words combined that can’t make sense
• malicious benevolence, two words combined that can’t make sense
• submerging buoyance, two words combined that can’t make sense
• sickening convalescence, two words combined that can’t make sense
• melancholic ebullience, two words combined that can’t make sense
• incandescent fluorescense, two words combined that can’t make sense
• Medieval Renaissance, two words combined that can’t make sense
… and so on, and so on.
Another funny thing is look up the definition for “can’t” and you come across “cant” which is defined as 1. Monotonous talk filled with platitudes and 2. Hypocritically pious language. This is certainly true and befitting of the new, post-9/11 Dave Mustaine. Now, he is the war hawk who trusted our President when he said all “Military Intelligence” pointed to Iraq having WMDs. And I quote…
“It needed to happen. The Americans went in there to liberate Iraq. A lot of people dont think they were being liberated because France didnt join in, Germany didnt join in and neither did Russia…. People in the music business, in America, are talking bad about Bush. You know what? Shut the fuck up! You’re a musician; you dont know a thing about running a country!”
I think new Dave just told old Dave to shut the fuck up. And to wit, this last example of oxymoronism…
headbanging conservatist, two words combined that can’t make sense
Today, Ludicra made the jump from alternative press to corporate media. Yes, according to the SF Chronicle, our show this weekend (Saturday at the El Rio) is “essential.”
Apparently it’s also in print. C’mon, people, it was written by a buy who writes articles. So it must be true. Apparently, we’re “post black metal” whatever that means. I can live with it.
Ludicra’s been an awesome outfit to be involved in. I first got the offer to join in 1999 after getting the boot from another band. John Cobbett, who I was a friend and a fan of at the time already, said “You can join one of the bands I’m in,” as two were looking for bassists. I chose to try out for Ludicra. We soon found our vocalist, Laurie, and have managed to maintain that line-up for seven years.
Seven years with one-line up. Maybe you don’t realize what an accomplishment that is, but around here, the average shelf life of a band is three years, let alone maintaining a line-up. We’ve stuck together through thick and thin and managed to stay friends.
Ludicra has also managed, despite the odds, to release two albums, both of which I’m terribly proud of. I mean, this started as a side project, and with all of our hectic schedules, we still have managed to let it have its own life. Now we’ve got an EP on the way with a week or two (with the incredible art of our friend, Eric Radey) and another album recorded and ready to release in August. It’s sometimes hectic and a struggle, but damn, we really do work well together. On the road, even though it’s usually for too short a time, we just have a blast together. Maybe we’re supposed to be melancholy… oh well.
We managed to get signed to one of my dream labels, Alternative Tentacles. Fuck. I’ve listened to their releases since I was a kid and always respected their ethics and credibility. To be on there with my friends, it’s just awesome. And they’re cool enought to let us relase the EP with Mauz and Life is Abuse, the guy who first had faith in us first to invest some duckets in what really was a fucked up release. Gluing upside down booklets into a digipack? Those were some fun weekends sniffing glue.
So yeah, a nice happy positive thought. Also, many kudos to my friends John, Aesop, Laurie, and Christy. I’m stoked to be jamming with them. Oh yeah! And Christy moved into my house, and she’s an awesome roommate! She doesn’t hardly smell at all.
Ludicra related, John’s other band, Hammers of Misfortune, finally has a release date for their album! I’ve already heard it, and fuck… it’s one of my favorite recordings. Period. No year, it’s just god damn amazing. Besides John’s good graces on it, it’s also got some of my favorite friends and musicians on the recording, too. Kudos to all of you! You move me, and I’m not talking about just my bowels. Check it out at:http://www.cruzdelsurmusic.com/hom_tly_mp3/prev_homtly.htm
Oh, and just a final toot for myself… the director’s of Bad Date, the zombie movie I did some make-up for, put in a nice little word about me in their article in the SF Bay Guardian. Sweet! http://www.sfbg.com/entry.php?entry_id=708
Right… I’m gonna go read some news now so I can feel all miserable and self-pitying again. Cheers!
