Hmmm… I’ve never been a fan of LA. But quite frankly, the kids know how to rock. Also, I think I hurt my foot jumping into the crowd too many times. Well, the jumping was fine, it was the getting flipped over their heads and landing on the floor that was the problem. I’ve been asked to sign autographs before, which is always weird, but totally cool as who am I to be a dick and tell some kid that I’m a nobody. BUT… it got weirder when I was requested by people to do them one of “my” toilets. I guess I’ve been quick-doodling that thing for some time now and someone noticed. Oh wait, the show was technically in Corona. LA can still go to hell then. But Corona is pretty rawkin’.
show last night
Holy crap. What a disaster.
The sound guy finally showed up after the first band played. Very professional. Late-ass show, our set was cut short… But holy cow. Engorged and Lord Gore kicked so much ass and caused the mosh.
Nine Nuggets for Becoming More Metal
From the SF Weekly 03.16.2005
Nine Nuggets for Becoming More Metal
By Ross Sewage
Hello true believers. My name is Ross Sewage, and I play bass guitar in Impaled and Ludicra, two bands that are more metal than tungsten. I’ve been asked by the poser staff at SF Weekly to provide some advice on how you, the poserish white-belt-wearing readership of this decidedly nonmetal rag, might at least appear more metal. Here are nine of my top tips, because nine is an evil number according to The Satanic Bible. Well, that, and 666 tips are just way too many to write — I’ve got headbangin’ to do, damn it!
Impaled show
Went off like a bomb. All the hard work, the stress, the heart aches, the carpal tunnel typing bulletins, evites, the late-night radio, the cajoling… it paid off.
Sometimes you forget about what friends you have, then your good friends all show up and make you feel warm all over when you’re doing something you’re proud of. It was an awesome night, though I was still running around crazy, doing lights for bands (cause no one else was doing it) and drinking and having a generally good time with everyone. Of course, I didn’t get to hang with everyone… it was god damned packed!!! So yeah, a good night.
And I finally got a decent venue to put up Lord Gore and Engorged at! Stork Club, April 7th… dammit, they always hook us up good in Portland, and I want to show them the same down here. The Pound can suck my right nut. And my left. And my whole cock. Way to string us along… I gave up. Sorry kids, it won’t be all ages.
apologies
Many apologies to DJ Annabelle at KALX who was cool enough to let Rush Limbaugh take over a guest slot she had and interview Impaled. I’m a bad, bad, person. I callously forgot to mention her in my last blog. I’m going to flagellate myself extra hard in my regular session of masochistic punishment. Tonus from KUSF also let us go on Rampage Radio to plug our show. Don’t wanna forget another DJ.
On Tuesday, the Pound said we could almost assuredly have our show with Engorged and Lord Gore there. Then they never returned my calls. Then they actually hung up on me Saturday night. Sorry, kids, they don’t give a crap if you wanna see some good bands. No matter that we’ve done tons of shows there and brough them good money when we were called on to fill a gap. Looks like I have to find a 21 and over bar to put the show on at and apologize profusely to the bands that everyone in the Bay Area sucks a big fat cock.
Our shirts are supposed to be done in time for the CD release show, but I just saw a design of them that differed greatly from the one I provided. I don’t know why, but they thought the shirts would be better if they looked like crap. I’m laying big bucks on this, so they too can eat dick. Back to the drawing board, you idiots.
For all the promo and preparation I’ve done for this show, I’m already convinced it will be a bust. To all my friends who are not going… stop giving me excuses about jobs, or about dogs, or about anything… if you don’t like death metal, or we just don’t have a flavor of the month coke head to latch onto, I don’t care. I just don’t want to hear lame excuses. I’m being overly sensitive because this CD was so much god damned work, and I already know none of my friends will like it because it’s not Ludicra or “ironic.” Just don’t go. No excuses. I’ll see you later at some other cooler show.
Saturday show… Countdown to Extinction was awesome. America’s Dirty Thirties was pretty good… Scurvy Dogs tore it up. Looking around at all those drunk punks… I could tell the system was really in trouble. Look out, Wall Street, there’s a warehouse of drunk punks that don’t like YOU! It’s awesome that Scurvy Dogs scheduled a show four days before they’re playing with us. And Desolation scheduled a show for the day after. That was sarcasm. I guess I should feel blessed anyone will deal with us after our own label said no one “takes us seriously.” Jeez… a couple days off the sauce and I get bitchy.
radio
I don’t know who’s catching our genius. Last night, Rush Limbaugh interviewed us on KALX… he called us liberal hippies a lot and said we hated the troops. He might have been right.
Tonight, we were surprised to spend not just 15 minutes, but the entire 3 hours on Billy Steele’s Metal Zone on 107.7 the Bone. He was super cool, and we were stupid and doofy. I can’t believe people don’t take Impaled seriously.
But seriously… if you haven’t heard about the Impaled CD release show (Wed March 9th Elbo Room, SF) by now, with our coverage in the East Bay Express, on multiple radio shows… you just plain suck. I already know we’re going to have like 20 people at our big CD release show, and I seriously wonder why the hell we try so hard. Oh yeah… it’s out of spite. Screw you all… we’re not quitting until you’ve all died from annoyance. EAT ME!
Oh yeah… here’s the bit I came up with (with a little help from my friends) after listening to a promo for the HORRIBLE Blue Collar Comedy Tour while on the Bone… You know you’re a metal head when you listen to songs about viking heroes while shipping porn at a warehouse. You know you’re a metal head when your hair is longer than your sister’s. You know you’re a metal head when you pick up your girlfriend from High School… and you’re 36. You know you’re a metal head when you refer to your landlord as either “mom” or “dad.” You know you’re a metal head when an apple a day means a fresh bong every morning. You know you’re a metal head when… okay, here I had some thing kissing Billy Steel’s ass… but here’s a new one… You know you’re a metal head when your Friday night is spent blogging some crap about your unpopular band on a website where your highlight is a “brutal” comment from some 16 year old hessian. Cheers, baby!
I’m going to continue getting drunk and cursing life.
Ludicra gig
I am blessed. It must be all the good karma. This weekend Ludicra played. I have a truck, no tarp, but when I asked the rain to stop, it did… just long enough to get equipment to the show and to take it home. The show was fun, lots of good friends, new and some very, very old. Other than Aesop’s many technical mishaps with his aging snare, the show went well.
There was a couple of moshers, which I am finding out are not appreciated at the typical Ludicra show. People would rather stand and take it in. So, note to moshers… come and mosh at the Impaled show where it’s all good. Go to the Ludicra show when you want to stare at your shoes or Laurie cradling her mic like a baby. That’s so twisted…
I managed to get 7 safety pins in my arm by myself. No one noticed, but it felt good anyway.
I liked the one girl dancing like a lunatic on my side of the stage. That was entertaining as all hell.
Gwar
I went to Santa Cruz to see Gwar again. Having seen Gwar at their lowest point, it was a pleasure to see a sold out show with hundreds of screaming maniaxe blowing their lids for one of my favorite bands. I thought I would play it cool again and just kick back and watch the show. About three notes in, this notion was put to rest as I tore through the crowd lusting for fake blood and bad jokes. Several times, I hanged 10 over the teeming masses and was carried aloft upon waves of hands. Fake blood spurted over my accroutements until I tore them off and devolved into some sort of cro-magnon blood hound screaming and grunting for more. Unencumbered by shame or by duty or by obligation, I beat upon my bare chest and chanted with my fellow Gwar-lunatics as we banged our heads and pumped our fists. It was the best show I’ve seen in years.
Speaking of shows… Ludicra show coming up: Saturday, Feb. 19 Ludicra Enablers Ovarian Trolley Psychlone Warehouse 3rd @ Marin San Francisco Don’t worry. I will have my chest covered at this show. I would hate to detract from my fellow Ludicrans by creating a horny hysteria and causing the audience to either be overcome with the vapors or to surge the stage for a touch.