Falling Down 2014 Tour Log Part 1

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This has been a busy, busy tour. The kind of stage wrangling and crafting we’re doing is pushing our limits. And driving all the god damned time has really put a crunch in my writing. But here I am, about half way through tour, speeding through the swampy mess of Florida ready to bath salts and leave a baby in a hot car. This is sure to be TLDR.

Get ready for a long night
Get ready for a long night

We started tour prep back in February, writing up a list of new props to build, things to buy, and songs to learn. Half way through tour, we’re still trying to check off some stuff from that list. Props are being modified, shit is being bought, and songs have actually been learned during sound checks. One of the biggest things we bought was Rosie, the 6×12 trailer that bafflingly is still filled to the brim just like our old, smaller trailer. On the plus side, when it’s empty, it’s become a back stage at a couple venues. Why buy? We had the savings in our personal accounts and we can just sell the damn thing when we get home. Having capital is the only way to increase it.

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5 Stupidly Easy Ways To Save Money on Tour

Doktor Ross Sewage1 Comment

Becoming an artist is a good way to ensure you’ll never be rich. Becoming a musician is a good way to have no money at all. Even musicians who make a living have legitimate gripes as to how the system is gamed so that everyone around them gets most of the dollar produced by their music. In the underground, that dollar becomes cents and it’s really hard to stretch out a coin. It’s not even made of rubber.

Actually, a bag full of rubbers
Actually, a bag full of rubbers

So, your band is going on tour? Well, you already should know you had to save up so you can pay your rent for the couch to mom and dad. But you guys just know that this tour will be awesome. People are gonna buy your shit up because you’re playing metal in a way no one else can even comprehend. I know that 21 and up bar in Duluth should pay you a king’s ransom for deigning to gild their evening with your fine musical fare. They won’t. And that’s why you need to know some easy ways to save money on the road.

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5 Unexpected Careers Required to be a D.I.Y. Musician

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I started playing music because that’s what my friends were doing. We used to draw comics together, but then I grabbed a bass guitar and said to my friend, “How does this work?” And I’ve been an overwhelmingly adequate bass player ever since.

Four stings?! How hard could that be?
Four stings?! How hard could that be?

While I expected a learning curve and to eventually be required to know what a “chord” was, I didn’t expect the other responsibilities. This doesn’t hold true of all musicians, but most wear quite a few hats. Sometimes they’re of the leather cowboy from hell variety, sometimes they’re the hat of an entire other occupation.

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This Poster Kills Artists: King Buzzo Screen Print

Doktor Ross Sewage1 Comment

King Buzzo of the Melvins has recently released a fucking amazing solo record of acoustic tunes called This Machine Kills Artists. He’s gone on tour and I got to do a poster for the gig in Seattle. What kind of gig poster does one design for the man with the most amazing distorted tone on the planet when he goes acoustic? Naturally, you make a poster paying tribute to one of the shittiest distortion pedals ever made.

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Parodied on my gig poster for King Buzzo is the DOD FX33, the “Buzz Box.” According to lore (and King Buzzo himself) it was designed to emulate the Melvins guitar tone. DOD failed and instead designed something Buzz Osbourne described himself as “… totally worthless. It sounds like a vacuum cleaner.” It was never meant to be an officially endorsed pedal, but c’mon, it’s called the “Buzz Box.” I wanted to do a poster featuring this pedal for something Melvins related, anyway. The man himself dropping all distortion for his material seemed the perfect time to do so.

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Pedal Check-Ups: DOD FX90 and MXR Phase 90

Doktor Ross Sewage4 Comments

I’ve been posting pretty sporadically this year. I’ve been working hard on projects for the band and such, but the muse to write and an actual electronic work station have been missing since the wife and I found ourselves together in a single bedroom apartment. Oh yeah, and I work a lot, funneling most of my paycheck to pay off debt. Funny how life gets in the way of, you know, this self-aggrandizing bullshit.

Well, last night I found myself on the floor of our rehearsal space, trying not to lose screws in the carpet and diagnosing bandmates’ broken gear. Sean managed to fry out the zener projection diode in his just-acquired DigiTech Black-13 pedal by plugging in the wrong voltage. Ben’s B-52 Stealth Series ST-100A had some bad power tubes. It’s all stuff that’s very important to fix, but not very interesting to write a post on. So, I thought maybe it’s a good time to stop exulting myself. Instead, I’ll let others do that by showing off their work that some of my posts helped along. Altruistic to the end.

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Graveyard in Nilbog

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I was asked to do a poster for the Graveyard’s April tour series. I’m like… fuck yeah! Graveyard! Then they’re like, you’re doing Salt Lake City. And I’m like… I fucking hate Salt Lake City. Ugh. Whatever good came outta that shit burg area? I came up with precisely two things: the films Carnival of Souls and Troll 2. So, the word “good” is entirely subjective as used here. I decided to base my poster on one of those things. After doing a poll on Facebook, a Troll 2 poster won out.

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What can I say? I think the Goblin Queen, Creedence Leonore Gielgud, is fucking hot. The glasses, the wisps of gray hair, the corn… what a bad-ass babe to put on a gig poster, amiright? Okay, maybe I’m not. But I can’t do anything seriously.

If you haven’t seen Troll 2 or the documentary Best Worst Movie, check them out. You’ll understand better why this poster had to be made. And in the documentary, look carefully during the scene where they screen the movie with all the actors in L.A.; I’m in that crowd somewhere! And if you want to buy one of these fine posters (and I know you do) here’s the link:
https://www.doktorsewage.com/product/graveyard-2014-04-22/

I’m Getting Too Old for this Shit

Doktor Ross Sewage4 Comments

Or maybe the world is getting too young. As I approach middle-age, I see the dream of finally having a million dollar idea or even a couple thousand dollar idea fading. I read about company acquisitions and people making billions off ideas I think are terrible but the rest of the populace is on board for. I try to establish some kind of artistic relevancy, but I never had any and it seems unlikely I’ll get any now. This very blog now feels like a fucking anchor… tying me up, in the depths, rusting, and completely unnoticed by human kind.

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