I’m Getting Too Old for this Shit

Or maybe the world is getting too young. As I approach middle-age, I see the dream of finally having a million dollar idea or even a couple thousand dollar idea fading. I read about company acquisitions and people making billions off ideas I think are terrible but the rest of the populace is on board for. I try to establish some kind of artistic relevancy, but I never had any and it seems unlikely I’ll get any now. This very blog now feels like a fucking anchor… tying me up, in the depths, rusting, and completely unnoticed by human kind.

I’m having a pretty outrageous crisis right now. I try to keep a straight face as I go to my shit job to press a button to print posters for designers of whom the majority I wouldn’t give a squat of shit for their work. But they’re highly paid, and I keep a low paid job because all my actual artistic or designer jobs flew the coop long ago. I guess I need something flexible so I can go on tour and play shitty bass in shitty clubs for even shittier pay. You know what’s flexible? Me, with professional skills doing the majority of design and artwork for all the bands I’ve been in for free with no kind of recognition that I can spin into something even satisfying, let alone, paying.

Am I complaining too much? Likely. I’ve been holding a lot in, because shit needs to get done, son. The world doesn’t stop spinning for my problems. Sure, I’ve basically lost one nest egg as I catch up in back taxes from losing steady work, I’ve lost the other nest egg in the form of a house from a gigantic explosion with a racist roommate and family members who had to be pragmatic against my emotions, I’m squeezing my life down to nothing to fit into my wife’s previous one-bedroom apartment already filled with her stuff, I’m driving a car I don’t own because mine blew up, all my belongings are in a 5×8′ trailer I need to sell to pay more taxes so I can’t even attempt to sell any art or belongings, I can no longer save money by not having health care (like I did for seven years), I got debts from trying to stay afloat as my dream job went up in smoke during the recession, and I got this dumb fucking website that only gets traffic to a single post about a modifying a single pedal. It was meant to push my art. Ah well.

Oh, and my computer died. Days before I’d thought, hey, I really need to back up that drive with the new one I got a couple months ago. Nope. I left for tour, a great tour. Not all things are bad. I was looking forward to a good and heartfelt tour blog, until poof! No more computer. No more hard drive. When was my last real back up? 2008. Six years of shit gone. Well, not all… I managed to squirrel files away here and there, managed to get a free new-old laptop from a generous friend, but dammit…

And this is the worst part. It’s all on me. All of it. I could’ve made different choices. I could’ve stayed with responsible jobs instead of reaching for dream ones. I could’ve been in less bands, or not played music at all. I could’ve not burned bridges with heaps of pride. I could’ve made better investment decisions. I could’ve done lots of things different. And fuck what they say, I do have regrets… at least about some of it.

Who the fuck is Ross Sewage? And who gives a fucking good god damn? Put a bag on your head and play a character, boy, because that’s the only thing people even give a tiny smidge about you, anyway. Stupid, dumb no talent with a made up name. Fuggit.

God damn it, being poor just fucking blows.

Posted in Art

4 thoughts on “I’m Getting Too Old for this Shit

  1. You're the man! Reading this post was such a bummer because as an aspiring artist (with absolutely no artistic relevancy) I admire "lifers" such as yourself that have unabashedly produced their creativity by their own means and standards. Sure, write me off as another dumb shit kid that's yet to become jaded in life but don't even bother measuring yourself to a monetary value because you wont add up. I won't add up. Shit gets real when money's tight but I'll continue to buy every Ghoul or re-mastered Impaled CD you put out because I know you're relevant. Unfortunately, by the nature of my age and demographic it took years for me to attend a GWAR concert and get exposed to your music. As for being a relevant artist, nobody knew who the fuck Shakespeare was during the 19th century and we certainly have no clearer idea just who he/she/it was if anything besides a moniker for a series of appropriated plays. Perhaps, that's life's joke as we don costumes and play out our characters but you must know what you have is better than a business suit or scrubs. Please keep doing what you love Doktor Sewage because there's more people out there than you think that see you as influential when it comes to pure creativity, cause you're truly a fucking genius!

  2. Hi i read your blog, i'm musician from Russia, dont give up and say Hi to Mauz! Some time i'll visit Oakland!

  3. Heads up Ross and don't give up! I know it's hard to survive in the western world, especially with all these nothing-doing idiots who make money out of a big bubble which collapses anyways at some point … and then: They'll do it again! Money is only for the oppportunistic, non-caring for one another, self-righteous assholes, and there are way too many of them in both our countries. Be glad not to be one of them and my guess would be that you, until now, had a way more interesting life than most of the above. I am sure you will make it, even if it will unlikely be as a rock star, but you are a creative and intelligent person and opportunities will eventually show up. Keep rockin and let Ghoul stay alive as long as you feel it is the right thing.

    Sumpf

    P.S. What's up with the Obama-Care?

  4. Ross, I love your music and your artwork, unfortunately that doesn't translate into big $ for ya. I hope better things come your way soon!

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