Back in Baltimore at the Sonar… as close to a stomping ground as we have outside of the Bay Area. For once, we were going to play this stage outside of MDF. We were excited because it always seemed this was the biggest stage with a gnarly backstage where we felt kinda like rock stars. Upon arrival, it felt kinda small. We have been spoiled.
That is going to be weird getting used to again after six weeks of V.I.P. treatment. Once again, I’ll have to leave the Leatherman at home when going to a show. I’ll have to check my wallet chain or studded belt. Bollocks.
This was the first time we were able to do our entire show at Sonar. I don’t think the crowd was comprised of many regular MDF show goers, though, so the novelty wore off quick. This was just another opening gig for our brothers in GWAR. That’s okay, though, as we’ll be back in a month at MDF to do it all over again for all the friends and fiends we regularly see there.
Special props to our friend Hasan. A regular in Baltimore, he hooked us up with samosas and vegan mac and cheese. That kinda generosity always warms the cockles of my heart. It also adds a touch of biological sanity after one’s body is bedeviled and full of crap from Denny’s, Subway, and Cracker Barrel.
We were going to drive all night, but ended up instead at some flea bag motel in the middle of nowhere. After all, why arrive in Columbus, OH early? Sorry, Columbians, I just can’t think of a damn thing to see in yer town. Really, it’s me, not you.
Now I know there’s some cool record stores and such, but bah. Fuck this area around Newport Music Hall and its fraternity row. Parking is a bitch and so are the girls driving around. Am I exhausted? Yeah. Still sick, too, which I’m sure is dampening my vigor for life. Next tour, I’m bringing my own microphone for sanitary reasons. Now if I could only do something about the wet, rotting outfit I have to put on my sorry carcass night after night.
Nashville’s Marathon Music Works the following Monday was where it was at. It was on the outskirts of town, so parking was a cinch. More importantly, backstage had FREE arcade consoles! Police Trainer! Raiden 2! Ms. Pac Man! Street Fighter 2! Now that is a good way to keep yer musician types entertained and from drinking too much. Some jerks just couldn’t stop playing to even play.
I was outside when some crusty, train hopper types rolled up before the show. Their dogs were named Luna and Tofu. Hmmm. While I was entreated to join them for a beer, I was also asked about the guest list. “So, yer coming up to me, a complete stranger, and asking to get on my guest list, and then you’re going to get way too drunk and either get kicked out, embarrassing me in front of the venue, or you’ll pass out before we even play? Is that it, my crusty friends?” Aghast they were, but this is my previous experience. I put them on the list anyway, enjoyed some beers with them in their living-van, and I’ll be damned if they didn’t stay on their two feet the entire show. I like to think I fathered them a bit. Ah, my little crusty kids. I love y’all.
I joined GWAR on their bus for a much needed day-off drive headed towards Buffalo, NY. We stayed up in the night talking shit, watching Dark Star, and imbibing. I really love these fucked up space mutants and their slaves. They didn’t even try to ass rape me.
The GWAR bus stopped outside of Cleveland near a mall in Strongsville. I know it’s hard to imagine GWAR as a bunch of mall rats, but that’s basically what a large part of the camp became. In disguise as regular folk so as to not incite a panic, we ate at the food court, shopped, met up to see Cabin in the Woods, and then a round of mini-golf. The hurricane simulator was total bunk, however.
After weeks of terrorizing people on stage, this little piece of normalcy was a nice change (even if I never go to a mall normally). Then the boys gave me a bit o’ space cookie, and I remembered I hate space cookies. Color me stoned and I didn’t wake up for twelve hours until we were already in Buffalo.
There is literally nothing to do in downtown Buffalo, except go to Canada. Jim and Dan managed to go to Niagara Falls, while the rest of us drew short straws and stayed behind to stage stuff. I’d seen the Falls before, but I was a bit sad when Dan showed me the picture of the Nikola Tesla statue I had missed. Also, Dan and Jim got gay married. Congrats to the happy couple!
We headed next to Poughkeepsie. Instead of staying a short night at two motels, we drove through the night so we could get maximum motel time at one. I have to say, this has been a hard trip insofar as finding places to crash. Look, folks, that big tour bus ain’t us. We’re still six dudes in a van!
The Chance was hosting GWAR for a record 23rd time. I was excited to see Oderus sing the words to Gangsta Gangsta over the Salamanizer, something I’ve been waiting decades to hear. I also had a good time with my friend Steve from Brutal Regime. He was on vacation from England in New York City and extended his stay to see the show. Here’s a good example of what it’s like to attend a GWAR show…