Chapter the third

Okay, so after the Berlin show, I really know I must make no more complaints. 

Have you ever been on a Nightliner? This is my first time. It’s a totally insane tour bus. It’s got two levels, with sixteen bunks on one level, and then four tables on the bottom with televisions and a stereo. There’s also a couch in the back, a fridge, a bathroom, and a tiny kitchen, albeit with no kitchen sink. Go figure. So yeah, this is totally insane. Not only that, but apparently we’re getting a second one of these bad boys tomorrow. That’ll be good, because then we can disperse the smell of filthy vagabonds between two vehicles. 

Berlin was inzane. We were supposed to go on at eight, but then one of the club workers wisely told us to beg for another half hour. This turned out great, as my beloved sour kraut Conny showed up ten minutes before our delayed start. Not only that, but she brought me one of the most amazing presents ever, a sheep skull, freshly skinned, with offal in a giant specimen jar. Yes, Conny is nuts, and apparently so am I as I carried around my little treasure all evening. 

I didn’t get to see much of Berlin, as Sean and I had only had a chance to dash to a shop where I picked up two bottles of lamp oil. Yay fire! I know I don’t have to breathe fire or do goofy antics for Impaled, as the music should speak for itself, but dammit all, it’s fun. 

Oh so the show… we played and the former eerily empty room filled up. A couple of real numbskulls wearing surgical masks came to the front. It was fun to watch them headbang and go crazy while trying to breathe with those masks on. The crowd seemed to enjoy it and we finally had some vibe and energy with each other, much better than our first show. Oh, we’re still raw and we still fucked up, but we like to think of that as part of our charm. 

Afterwards, we had some fun with crazy German kids who offered us their semen. That was interesting. They also licked and bit the sheep skull. Then again, I can’t say much, as I had draped the offal over myself while we played. What’s a little trichinosis among friends? 

I continued drinking with Conny and her sister Denise, and we made plans as we’re meeting up after the tour. Her quote of the evening, “Yes! Now let’s go out and annoy some people!” And that, I am sure we did. I promised the other bands that the sheep head wouldn’t be going in the bus… well, it is here. I have to find someway to boil it before it starts stinking. I promised Conny I would try, or maybe the stink of eighteen men can overpower the stink of the head. We’ll see.

Eventually, I made my way back to the bus, where some of the other bands had been busy gawking at goth girls in the club next to ours. I was busy gawking at more beer on the bus. Slumber overcame me, and it was beautiful stretching out in my tiny little cocoon that is to be home for about a month. 

Today, we’re playing… fuck I don’t even know where we are. That’s okay, it doesn’t much matter. The people are speaking German, so I know we’re still in Germany. It’s obvious from the drawn faces that pretty much everyone had a little too much fun last night. Couple that with the latest disaster… a water leak in the trailer! Oh yes, good times. We got lucky, and just our boxes were ruined. Deeds of Flesh took it in the nose with about 150 ruined CDs. Then again, they manufacture their own, so I know that’s only about 150 actual dollars lost, whereas our fuck nut of a label is charging the equivalent of about 9 dollars per CD to us. Thanks for all the zero tour support, you cheap bastards.

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