April 9

I just had the hardest time remembering the last two days. Could it be tour is getting to me? Could it be how drunk I was last night? Could it be I’m just dumb? Probably a combination of all. Yay!

I don’t recall leaving Eindhoven. At some point I awoke, and we were by the sea. It was really quite nice, a sunny day, the beach… The club was situated just behind a hillside next to the sea in one of the noisiest parking lots of ever. There were motorcycles driving through cones, kids skating on half-pipes, scooters puttering about, horses… a nice day in this town who’s name I cannot for the life of me spell or pronounce. It was Holland. It was club Scum. And the flier said that “Butting Europe 4” would be there. I’m not sure how one goes about butting Europe, but that’s what it said, so that’s what we did. 

I walked on the beach after burning some hardcore techno from the DJ at the club. It was a nice palate cleanser, as I’ve heard so much metal every night. Electronic beats with samples of Daleks was what I needed. EXTERMINATE!!!

After that, I walked to the horses by the park and got them to come to me so I could pet the darlings. They really were gorgeous horses, and Sean came out with sugar cubes and we made some big horsy friends. That is, until their owners came and took them away without saying a word to us. Sorry! No I’m not. I’m not sure what’s up with the Dutch, but I also had some lady’s dogs run up to me, and when I pet them, she gave me a dirty look. Weird. 

I was amazed to find later that Stone Golem, my favorite band, actually finished two new songs. Wow, those guys are prolific! Everyone should for sure check out their myspace page… www.myspace.com/stonegolemmusic

Before the show, Reno from Vile walked in, looking about as much like a skeleton as Traci Gold when she was hot. He was sick as a dog, and had been for three days. Colin, somewhat understandably, was upset because Reno was begging to go to a doctor. There was doubt he could play. I had to argue with Colin, which was pretty ridiculous. The dude was about to die. Eventually Sean and I convinced him whether or not Reno needed a doctor, he needed to go because he felt he needed to. Psychosomatic? Couldn’t nurse himself back to health? Whatever, he wanted to go. Vile did end up canceling the night, but fuck it, they’ll have better nights. And Reno got pills AND a suppository from the doctor. SEXY!

Well, we played, though I’m not sure how well it went. There were people there, but then everyone I spoke to at the end of the night got there after us. So I suppose that maybe the entire crowd switched from band to band. Those wacky Dutch. 

At the end of the night, Brovar, the tour manager, ordered us all pizzas as there was no place to eat within walking distance from the venue. He’s a good guy. Sean, Raul, and I ate our share, and I took the last quarter out for Jason in the bus. This girl started yelling at me to give her pizza. I said, no, sorry, it’s for my bandmate. That’s when she informed me I sucked his dick, or should suck his dick. She was a tall Dutch blonde, very attractive, and I mention this because I want everyone to know how good I am to my band mates. I did not give her the pizza. And I told her to fuck off. And I delivered it to Jason, who was infinitely less sexy to me. 

Actually, the girl ended up being really funny, with some weird friends and her boyfriend, and talking about how they had pizza sex. Then some other girl asked for sex and to come the next country with us. That was our cue to get the fuck out, and we took our leave. We ran, not walked. 

The next day in Essen I was a bit worried. Both our label and our shirt company were coming to collect their pounds of flesh. I had never met the Century Media Europe crowd, and I was a bit worried, as we’d exchanged a few words on occasion.

The show was a fest, with four openers, which is great for us. We don’t have to warm people up, and it worked out better than I could have hoped. Seriously, it was our best show so far. Tons of stage diving, moshing, people chanting our songs, massive headbanging… we played like shit because we were having so much fucking fun. It was awesome. 

We met our shirt guy and he was super cool. I actually checked, and financially, we’re doing okay. Stay on target… stay on target… but yeah, we worked stuff out, and our shirts here are the best prints we’ve ever gotten, easily. The album cover looks like a damn photo. 

Then we met people from the label. It was a tad uncomfortable at first, but we sat down, got the business out of the way, and then it was cool. Sometimes it’s easy to forget that the faces behind the business can be super cool even if you’re a bit ticked at the faceless corporations. Melanie and Life (I think that was his name) and some other people whose names I can’t recall were really cool. They brought us a load of promos, and we talked about metal, Germany, life… good times. We got a cake from a friend who we met in Trier, and we shared it and it was delicious. 

At the end of the show, the club just stayed open. Apparently they stayed open until six. Now, I guess that’s not that weird, a lot of clubs in Europe will stay open. The difference was they just played metal. And a couple hundred people stayed to drink and listen. And instead of dancing, there were dozens of people headbanging. At first I was playing it cool, then these two girls came up to me and took a picture of me for their nephew who’d had to leave for his bedtime. They took me over to their boyfriends and they all started buying me beer. I think they must’ve though “This guy will do something stupid for us.” After a lot of beers and some shots of Yager, I did not disappoint, apparently. I recall some, but some has had to be told to me. I started headbanging like crazy. At some point, I busted out some breakdancing moves, including the worm across a floor soiled with beer and sweat. I danced around, told people they were wimps and to fuck off if they wouldn’t bang, ummm… what else? Oh yeah, climbing on this big guy’s back and screaming in German the words to Sodom’s cover of “Ahner Bitte Mitt Sahne.”

Oh yes, I had fun. I did have to take my leave around 5:30 am or so, as I knew if I didn’t get SOME water in me, I’d be in a world of hurt today. Of course, I did stop to talk to the birds. Don’t ask.

I was hanging in the bus, staying awake with the poles to drink water, when Brian from Monstrosity came down. His face had puffed out and he had hives all over. He’d been telling us all tour about his allergic reaction to onions, and apparently, he must’ve gotten some on his pizza. He looked like shit. His bandmate Marc gave him some Claritin, and I made him start drinking some milk. Eventually, we had to find Mike from Monstrosity, as it was about time to leave, and we found him outside with a “friend.” He was happy and drunk. It took awhile to get through Brian’s situation to him, but it turned out he had Benadryl, so we loaded Brian up. He said his bunk made it worse when he tried to get to sleep, so I gave him my blanket, and took his, just in case it wasn’t onion, but something in his bunk. 

I was up till sunrise. I fucking hate that. Makes me feel high. 

It seems everyone had a good time last night, and some had a REALLY good time. Ahem, we had to wait for a certain “stowaway” to get dressed and be on her way. Charrrrrrming.

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