Getting to Europa

I was on a highway to hell. That is to say, on my “non-stop” flight to Germany, I ended up on three different planes. The first never left San Francisco, having electrical problems, so I was put up in a hotel not 20 minutes drive from my own home. I paid $30 for a taxi to a liquor store because the bar was closed. The next day, our flight did leave, and I had just enough time to finish a masochistic viewing of the Yogi Bear movie before we made an emergency landing in Chicago because the toilets wouldn’t flush. The third plane made it. I would assume “barely.” This is United, the biggest airline in the world. They’ve bought up a shit ton of all the old planes from all the defunct airlines and this bullshit keeps happening everytime on United, not to mention their stewardesses are less than. Viva consolidating corporate interests. Who needs market competition, anyway?

By contrast, I was able to book the rest of Ludicra on a Lufthansa flight. They got to the airport late, and the friendly Lufthansa staff, which Aesop assures me was all hot chicks or hot gay dudes, ran them through security so they could make their trouble free flight. A few Xanaxs later, and those bastards arrived looking well rested and cheey. I hate my friends.

Initially, I was to get a ride from Frankfurt to my final destination. In Germany, it’s common to schedule ride shares, as hitch hikers are not typically killed here. The website to check out, as my my fellow United victims from Germany told me was Rescheduling last minute didn’t work out for me, because all the available ride shares filled up fast. Or maybe it’s better if you don’t tell the people you have a giant suitcase full of records and tee shirts and a stupidly huge bass guitar. Instead, because United got me here 24 hours late and I missed my ride, I had to pay 88€ for a train.

Both I and the rest of Ludicra had zero problems with customs. Unlike all the English speaking countries, one does not need paperwork in triplicate to enter most European countries. In fact, after the initial passport stamping, no one was even there to check our bags. Quite a difference from the retinal scan and thumb up the ass one receives in the States.

Pack your merch carefully, weigh your suit cases, organize who can check what bag and you can save a lot of dough on shipping merch to Europe.

Everyone arrived a day early to avoid any problems with late flights and to hopefully get rest before tour. We got a small apartment / hotel room, and this morning all our old bodies are well rested and ready to grab our walkers, hobble to the show, and show these kids how black metal is made. Gray hair metal.

Doktor Ross Sewage
dispatched from Die Struwwelpetra Ludicra 2011 European Tour

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