Q: Why is the bassist always out on the porch?
A: Because he never knows when to come in.
When Ludicra was on the road, our drummer, Aesop, was talking about how we’re the Eagles of black metal (no pun intended). He talked about how John was Glenn Fry, he was Don Henley, Christy was Joe Walsh, Laurie was someone, and I was Randy Meisner, the kicked out bassist who was the only one to NOT have a successful solo career.

Flash to today, and I’m listening to Air America’s Morning Sedition radio show. They are interviewing a filmaker about his documetary on Arthur Kane, former bassist of the New York Dolls, and his obscure existence as Mormon just wishing for the band to reform.

Let’s think about this for a moment, you know, being a bassist. What’s the guy who got the boot from Queens of the Stone Age doing now? How about Krist Novaselik from Nirvana? The Rolling Stones keep rolling without Bill Wyman. The Doors didn’t even need a real bassist. Whatever happened to Blacky from Voivod? Jason Newstead used to get his mattress pissed on and has since faded into obscurity post-Metallica.

Speaking of Metallica, there’s the string of dead bassists. Cliff Burton is of course well known for being dead. Thin Lizzy’s Phil Lynott died under tragic circumstances. Sid Vicious was a fucking mess waiting to die. There’s been plenty of underground bassists in more recent years, myself included, who have been the major victims in band-related auto-accidents.

The revolving door… that’s the bassists position. How many bands stop playing after they kick out their bassist?

I know, there’s a FEW bass success stories. Tom Angelripper and Les Claypool come to mind. Les Claypool, however, is a victim of his own annoyingness and WAY too many strings on his bass. Paul McCartney doesn’t count… he was a guitarist in disguise. And Gene Simmons? Gimme a break… he’s not a bassist, he’s a salesman. His “signature” song God of Thunder was written by Paul Stanley, anyway.

So yeah, the lot of the bassist kinda stinks. It’s a four-string curse.
Q: What is a bassist’s best form of birth control?
A: His personality. 

All that having been said, this is the email I just got…To: ross the boss mcsalad toss….
Message: u make people want to play bass.thank you. 

That’s cool. Misery loves company, anyway.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *